I am a BADASS.

I've been doing a lot of showing my sensitive side lately ... with my boyfriend, with my girlfriends ... especially with darling Ariel.

So I thought it was about time to say ...

I fucking rock.

Seriously:

Smoking hot.

Razor sharp or rusty saw on the sarcasm end of things, whichever means of cutting into the situation is required.

Un-goddamn-believable in bed.

Eyes to look into your soul with a blue flame of total captivation.

Let's not even talk about the tits. No, you can go ahead and talk about them. I'll listen. Done yet? I didn't think so. But let's move on.

Completely. Fucking. Deserving. Of. The. Six. Most. Incredible. Partners. In. The. World.

End of post, just because if I keep going on, I know you will all melt into jealous green puddles of goo.

You're welcome for the consideration.